From Fellowship, To You: Sunday 11/25

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. - Ephesians 4:16

I have heard from a number of different people at a number of different churches that first the body must become healthy before it can reach out to others. First people must grow up in Christ and attain a higher spiritual maturity before they can serve and work for God. I've even had someone say to me about a church that they were attending that they could not and should not reach out to the rest of the world until they have had deeper spiritual experiences. I've never liked ideas that go that direction. This verse is why.

The passage illustrates a picture of the church as a body. Each person of the church forms a part of this body. This verse says that the body will grow, each individual part of the body will grow and build itself up, as each part does its work. Essentially, to properly grow as followers of Christ, in order to be transformed into the individuals God has called us to be, we must serve the community. We have to do the work required of us. It is not about becoming who God has called us to be and then serving each other and the world. It's about serving each other and the world while being transformed, healed, and freed by God in order to become the people God has called us to be. We all are a part of the body and have a God-ordained role involving serving Christ by serving people. All of us, wherever we are on our spiritual journey, have work to do. What are you doing?

I usually know what the right thing to do is. I really do. I don't think that’s necessarily that impressive. Honestly, I think that despite life's many complicated situations with their ambiguous moral complexities, Christians most often know what the godly thing to do is. For example, I know that when I have a full schedule and have neglected spending time with God, the best thing to do is not to engage myself in some mindless activity that allows me to distance myself from the rest of my life. It's probably to spend some time in prayer and Scripture, resting instead of escaping. I know that when I'm talking to a friend, it's not the best thing to talk about the easy things when there are deeper things, more difficult things, that need to be dealt with. I know that when I'm with others who don't know Jesus, the best thing to do is not to meet them where they're at in nearly meaningless conversation, but to direct it to their only hope for a life that matters. Still I do all these things. What I know to be right, I so often neglect. What I know to be wrong, I so often do. I am full of self-aware selfishness. My problem is not one of knowledge. It's one of action. I don't think I'm alone. Many of us daily find ourselves in situations where we knowingly choose the easier way over the godly one. It's keeping us fearful and keeping us from the life God has for us. Let's choose better.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday 11/18

One idea I heard once… I have not even a vague remembrance of where or when that time was or who it was I heard it from… is that we often compartmentalize our lives. In the context of the conversation it means that we divide our lives up into individual chunks. Church is one area of life. Work is another. Family life is another. School is yet another. Finances are another. Fun is another. You get the idea. There are an infinite number of ways we could compartmentalize our lives. One thing we place into a compartment is our relationship with God.

Placing God in one part of our lives is easy to do because it's what we do with everything else, but this is one of the most spiritually destructive things we can do. When we do this, we become different people in different places. It frees us up to be a lazy employee or hard-nosed employer in our job setting, while being hardworking and merciful at home. It allows people to justify acting considerately, kindly, and generously at work and church, and at the same time come home and be arrogant, self-centered, and aloof with our family. It allows us to submit to God with all of our heart and soul on Thursday morning by ourselves in a moment of prayer, but take it back Friday night at a party with drunken friends. Again, you get the idea. God is not supposed to be a part of our lives. He's supposed to be the unifying link through all of it.

We cannot allow our relationship with God to be something we turn on and off as needed. We have to let God come into our homes, our finances, our passions, our relationships, our jobs, our emotions, our grocery stores, our failures, our gyms, our successes, our coffee shops, our everywhere, our everything. God is everywhere and we need to recognize that and live accordingly. If we contain God in a compartment, we will live depraved and disappointing lives, but if we let God be all-compartment-consuming, we will live a life that is more than all we could ever ask or imagine.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday 11/11

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

But no hope at all hurts much less.

So I try not to be overly quick

To be vulnerable by being my best.

So I've spent all my life settling

For much less than what I want.

I get by here and there meddling,

Lucky to be an idiot savant.

I'm foolish because I dream too small.

God has always had more in mind.

For the first time I want it all,

My fears of pain I let unwind.

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." - Jesus

This is a verse I think a lot of us have heard. It's also one that is very easy to take completely out of context. Taken by itself it is easy to interpret the verse as an exhortation to obey every single letter of the law and have no inkling of any evil desire or proclivity toward any evil action. It is true that we should ignore no area of imperfection in our lives and strive to be and become the people God has called us to be; however, this verse isn't really about that. It's about something that, while smaller in scale, often seems to be extraordinarily difficult.

In the verses just preceding this, Jesus tells us something different than what the world around us tells us… love your enemies. Love those who have no love for you - for the very people who are injuring, abusing, persecuting, seeking to destroy you. Loving only those who love you back, or don't hate you, is something even the godless do regularly. Jesus' command to be perfect is part of this same thought, which is having truly unconditional love for everyone.

The implications of this for our lives are huge. We have all been hurt by people. We've been hurt by their judgmentalism. Many of us have been physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or sexually abused. The words and actions of others have twisted our self views and enchained our lives. People have attacked our beliefs. Islamic jihadists have taken down the world trade center and continue to attack and kill people we know overseas. We're called to love these people. Really love these people. Not just wish their best, but actually act toward them in a way that treats their lives as invaluable, indispensable, even when that means self-sacrifice. We make ourselves vulnerable with our love to potential hatred, mocking, even death. That's what Jesus did, that's what Jesus does. It's difficult beyond measure, but possible… and full of life.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday 10/28

"No one is to appear before me empty handed." Exodus 23:15

This is one of those verses I've read over a number of times without having a second thought about it and moving onto the next. One day, it struck me in my core. I sometimes (often?) come before God and offer Him nothing. I ask for forgiveness. I ask for blessings. I request love and joyful emotions. I ask for all things. I thank God with uncorroborated words. He is offered nothing.

It's not about bargaining with God with to use your resources to trade for some of His, He fulfills His own needs and desires. It's about love. In the Old Testament, coming before God with something meant the children of God gave a tenth of everything they had, sacrifices for forgiveness, and firstfruits for thankfulness as a physical representation of the people's love for God and acknowledgment of what He's done. Even in those times, it wasn't about the sacrifice itself, Scripture says "the sacrifices of a God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart." The act of sacrifice has always been all about the heart.

What does it mean for me, now… for us, the New Israel? It looks like losing our lives before God, having the complete willingness to give up all that we have if Jesus simply asks it. We are to offer our "bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God." It's a more mystical way of giving to God and on the surface seems more about the inner life. But it is tangible. The children of God before were distinguished by their outward actions through ritual, we are to be known by our outward acts of love. And we do know people like this. We all know people who, when we see how different their lives are and full of life they are, we just know, that person comes before God offering everything. It's inevitable that when we come before God hands full of all that we are, we will be shaped into people whose most marked quality is tangible love.

God does. I just don't always think that's true or live like that's true. Way back in Genesis, Abraham, who had and has many sons, did much the same thing. God said He'd give Abraham a son. Time passed, his wife was too old to have children, so Abraham took matters into His own hands and copulated with his wife's servant, who conceived and bore Ishmael. It wasn't God's plan and God let it happen and blessed Ishmael, but God would not rest until His plan was done His way - not through the impatient and untrusting actions of Abraham. God gave Abraham a son when he was 100 and his wife was 90. It was absolutely impossible and glorious. The wonder and joy of it was so great that they named their child Laughter. This is what happens when God does.

As I said, I often live and think like Abraham. I know what God's will is… He wants to bless me with a wife… He wants life in all my relationships… He wants to bring people to Himself through me… He wants to bring healing in the lives of those around me. I too frequently move on these things in my own timing, with my own effort, the responsibility on me. The result is always less than what God has, sometimes heart-wrecking and destructive. God accomplishes His purposes, and though He allows me to participate in them with Him, He doesn't ask me to do it all myself. We actually become more effective when we focus more upon obedience to God and let Him do what He needs to do in His time. And it's a lot freer. I don't have to be trying to make a relationship work, marketing Jesus, or staying up until 4:00 AM (like I was last night) with anxiety about how to bring healing to my friends. God accomplishes infinitely more than I can anyway and when we have the opportunity to be a part of His Movement we are full of awe and our hearts well with overflowing Laughter.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday, 10/21

Matthew 17:14-21

This story is not about Jesus doing something the disciples could not do, but about what they could have done, but didn't. Jesus came along and cast out the demon they couldn't get rid of, but Jesus doesn't tell them it was from lack of ability when they asked him why they couldn't do it. Jesus tells them their faith was too small. It was not their imperfections or incapacities, but their miniscule belief in what God can do. And more than that, what God can do through them. Their reality is not big enough. Their reality fails to take into account the infinite power of God that, because of His love, He wants to display to the world through us. Jesus doesn't stop with a chastisement, but tries to enlighten them and enlargen their view of the world.

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

These are not idle words. They're an invitation, an urging, to see a bigger God. To understand that God is active - living, moving, breathing in this world and that He wants to live, move, and breathe in us, and through us, into the world. I have always dreamt too small. I often fail to believe not that God can do, but that God can do through me, that God will do through me. Sometimes it's just hard for me to believe that through me God wants to do the impossible. He wants to perform the supernatural in ways that are like the movement of mountains. He wants not only to perform the daunting task of building my character and working through me to build others, but He wants to cast out demons through me, He wants to heal people through me, and if I have the faith, all is possible. Is your world big enough? Is your view of God large enough? Do you believe?

A generous man will prosper;

he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

- Proverbs 11:25

We live in a world that hoards. It's the richest time in the history of the world, and what do we have? Not an end to world hunger (although that is feasible with the resources available), but more amenities, more toys, more crap. Our world keeps what it has. People have a very difficult time giving things away they think they have a right to. It's our money, our time, our resources, our friends, our energy, our stuff. We like to keep it that way. We get upset when that is not the case. We cling so strongly to that which belongs to us and it keeps us so chained. We are not refreshed, we are uptight, we are nervous about losing some of what we have. It's a life where we have a ton, but it doesn't feel like prosperity. It can't, we're putting our treasure in the wrong place. Real prosperity comes when we give generously so often that it becomes a descriptor that applies to how we interact with the world all the time. Refreshment comes when we refresh others. If we live in a way where we are seeking to refresh others with all that we have (more than just finances), it changes the way we see things. We begin to see just how worthless it is to cling tightly to and not want to give up what we have. As we release our hold on ownership, it releases its hold on us and finally free from that, refreshment comes and we're opened up to live in the prosperity God has for us.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday, 10/7

Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. - Colossians 3:2

So often in life, I get caught up in the activity. I find myself wrapped up in getting things done and passing the time, all the while focused on it seems like everything but God. At the start of this week, that's all I did. Satan moved upon seeing my weakness (complete lack of focus), and I started living a very self-centered, self-protective, self-devoted, self-indulgent life which leads to a lot of the things found in verse 5 if you read the passage. It wasn't really a good start. It's so easy to lose focus. It's so vital not to. How can I think of heaven, how can I think of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ enthroned and remain selfish? I can't. How can I live as God has called me to if I've set my mind on earthly things? I can't. Therefore I must, we must, do whatever it takes to have our minds ever set on Jesus, letting everything He is about rule in our minds and hearts, and in so doing die to the evils of this world and bring to it the goodness of the kingdom where Christ reigns.

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him. - Jesus (John 6:38)

Cool. I'm imagining this in my own life and it is absolutely beautiful. Can you picture it? Imagine having no spiritual thirst inside of you. Imagine liquid life making up the essence of your being. Can you comprehend the freedom? Can you feel the joy? Can you sense the wholeness? The peace? The power? To add to it, if you read on in the Scripture it says that these streams of living water (note the plural) are the Holy Spirit. If you look back at what Scriptures in the past have used the metaphor of living water (even specifically streams of living water) to describe, it is God Himself (see, I believe, Jeremiah 2:13). Yahweh inside of us. The great God of everything, streaming through us like living water, and not just that, but flowing "from within." This implies an outward movement. This includes an inner life full of the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, but is not limited to that inner life. Jesus paints a picture of this inner world brimming with so much life that it flows into the world around us. It changes the world around us, the people around us. The overflow of God's life in us always has a Godly impact on the people around us.

May our inner lives be filled. May we always recognize that the great I AM abides in us and equips us not just to be alive, but to bring that life into the lives of others. May we live with such obedience, such understanding of God's love for us, such Spirit-filled faith that the God of life flows through us into the world. And May He alone be glorified.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday, 9/30

Now...

Now is the time to repent and be baptized. If you have anything against anyone, forgive them in your heart and actions. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. This moment is the perfect one to let Christ heal your wounds. Today is the day of salvation. Today is the day to be free from addiction. Today is the day to be free from everything. Get over yourself. In this very moment Love Himself is here, be afraid of nothing. This is the hour of real, Spirit-empowered life change. Preach the Gospel to the poor, the rich, the disabled, to all creation. Humbly give your all to the God who is jealous of all that you give to another master and experience being lifted up by the very hand of the Father. The Kingdom of God is here. Heal the world in the name of Jesus Christ. Give generously of your finances, time, gifts, and who God has made you to advance the Kingdom of Jesus against everything that opposes it: unbelief, sin, shame, the world, the flesh, and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Nothing will prevail over a man or woman equipped with the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Love everyone deeply, tangibly. Move. Move. Move. What is the next step, struggle, or action in front of you? Take it, overcome it, and take the next. Fix your eyes on Jesus, who is the author and perfector of your life in Him, and run deeper into Him - all the while faithfully resting at peace in the presence of Christ's immeasurable Love.

Luke 18:15 The Little Children and Jesus

This little snippet of the life of Jesus Christ is extraordinarily beautiful and sometimes just as difficult. The disciples tell the mothers and babies to get away from Jesus assuming that Jesus doesn't want to deal with kids, Jesus is obviously above such things, he's grown up, he's too old and important to spend his valuable time with kids. The disciples push away, and Jesus calls out to the children, telling them to come, so now, in addition to mothers and their babies, he's got a bunch of other kids near him. Just picture him. He then teaches using the children, mildly rebuking the disciples by saying that the kingdom of God is just as much for kids as others. Then, he goes beyond this (it's the difficult part) and says that "anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

This is convicting and often difficult for me to live by. I believe that there are many of us who simply don't want to enter the kingdom like a child. We'd rather enter with our heads held high like an adult. We don't want to be that helpless. We don't want to be that small. We don't want to be as inept, dependent, and undeserving as the babies in their mother's arms. Earning what God gives sounds a lot better than just receiving it. I'd love to receive the kingdom of God like a deserved knighthood, with God bestowing upon me what I have worked and fought incessantly to acquire. But it doesn't work that way. I cannot earn what God offers. It is far too marvelous. I have to come to him humbly accepting my own incapacity to deserve him or I will never enter into his kingdom. When I do this, letting go of my delusions of grandeur, I feel so free. I no longer have to stay away from God to become better. I don't have to be full of shame and anger toward myself for not living a life good enough to be in God's presence. He accepts me when I come to him as grateful, fully dependent, incapable, and desperate as a baby in his mother's arms. After trying over and over again to live like Christ on my own, I know that truly I am just like that baby. And it's so peaceful in God's arms.

From Fellowship, To You: Sunday, 9/23

Psalm 143

O Lord, hear my prayer,

listen to my cry for mercy;

in your faithfulness and righteousness

come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into

judgment,

for no one living is righteous before

you.

The enemy pursues me,

he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in darkness

like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;

my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;

I meditate on all your works

and consider what your hands have

done.

I spread out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a

parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord;

my spirit faints with longing.

Do not hide your face from me

or I will be like those who go down

to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your

unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,

for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,

for you are my God;

may your good Spirit

lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O Lord,

preserve my life;

in your righteousness, bring me out

of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my

enemies;

destroy all my foes,

for I am your servant.

I can't say it better.

Sometimes I want the world. The grades, the easy-riding job where I'm raking in cash, the fame, the superiority, control, power, pride, the comfortable life, the pleasure filled life, and whatever else it has to offer. The whole thing. Every once in a while, I forget what joyful life in Christ is like, and it can be tempting to drop this life of self-sacrificial obedience – by nature ethically opposed to the flow of the culture of this world – and allow myself to be swept up in the social current, embracing the twisted parts of me I spend so much time and effort actively denying and destroying. Merely seeing the world as appeasing is a perverted idea. It promises everything and gives out nothing. One reason I love Jesus is that His words are there to clear my perception. He exhorts me to ask myself the question: “What good is it if you gain the whole world and yet lose your soul?” Oh yeah, I remember. It's not any good at all.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” - somewhere in Philippians 3

I think that, sometimes in Christianity, this is done in totally the wrong way. Instead of forgetting the past with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (that which we love God with), we ignore it and try to move on toward the goal (the goal is, contextually – intimately knowing, being and becoming like Christ in a faith-relationship). Leaving things behind is different than ignoring things behind. What Paul is not seeing here is to not think about the past, to not deal with the past. He's saying to move on from it. But we often have to deal with it directly in order to heal and move on from it. We often have to dig into our past and bring up the events and all the pain, shame, embarrassment, fear, insecurities, guilt, regret, and all the other emotions that go along with it, in order to allow the healing love and power of Jesus Christ to come into it and free us from it. We cannot pretend our past doesn't affect our present and won't affect our future. Our relationships with our parents, our significant others, friends, ideas about God, strongholds of sin, and many other experiences in our past have directly shaped us, often misshaped us, and to let Christ reshape us, we have to address these things directly. Painful things. Sometimes the path toward the future, toward obtaining all that God has for us, includes a stretch through what was behind, that all parts of ourselves - past, present, and future - may be changed by the infinite love of God in Christ Jesus.

The World As It Once Was

Imagine a world that lacks so much of what our world has. This world doesn't know what pain is. Disease isn't even a known word. Neither children nor adults starve to death or even go hungry. There is no pollution. No one is physically or mentally disabled. There is no fear. There is no evil. There is no shame. There are no lies. There is no war. People in this world don't get hurt or hurt each other. They don't verbally, physically, sexually, spiritually, or emotionally abuse each other. Death is a concept to be discussed and warned against, but as a reality it does not exist.

Imagine a world that has in surpassing amounts what our world has in miniscule portions. Love primarily. People love one another deeply in thought, words, and action. Their relationships are pure, innocent, intimate, vulnerable, teeming with life. Joy fills every heart. People share everything they have and every part of their lives with each other. People sense and understand that they are creatures of infinite worth, and they treat others in light of that reality. People have work to do, but it is not exhausting, stifling, draining, stressful, or necessary for survival. The work they've been given is a part of the joyful, lifeful, and whole pattern of life.

This world is not absolutely perfect, but it is absolutely good. It sure would be wonderful to live in a world like that. Sure sucks that we don’t. Surely the infinite God could have come up with better than this - even better than the world we can imagine. It's kind of frustrating at times that the world we live in isn't like that. Frustrating is probably too light a term. Sometimes, it outright pisses us off that God created a world that is full of so many horrible, terrifying, distressing, heart-breaking events and realities; a world that is missing so much good. The problem with our anger is that it's not rightly placed.

God didn't create a world full of evil, pain, and death. The world God made is much like the one we imagined, but so much better. Our minds cannot reach to places of such wonder, to such goodness, to such holiness. It's easy to forget that the world we live in is not the one God created, but the one Satan perverted.

The world changed when people sinned. The entire makeup of the world became twisted and depraved. It's the natural result of people choosing evil - choosing that which is not of God. God created a world that could be corrupted because He created people that had a choice. He gave people power. He graciously granted them not only the capacity for the volition to choose God's way or their own, but also allowed their decisions to have powerful effects on the world around them. Love allows for painful screwups.

It's too easy to blame God for all the terrible things that exist in our world today. They are there because He created a world that honored humanity and that granted them the ability to choose. We chose death in forms of illness, relational separation, shame, hiding, pride, fear, bitterness, depression, meaninglessness, starvation, hoarding, and a great number of other forms. God's Love for us, Love that Redeems, is His motivation for blessing us with the choice to live in Him or in destruction. There is no compulsion or coercion in Love. The best world possible is one where humanity has the option to accept and give love, or to not. Love is the highest Virtue.

Glorifying Ourselves (pt. 1)

I want glory. I have a friend who wants glory. Who doesn't? Often we go after glory, but it's the wrong kind of glory, and we pursue it in the wrong kind of way ultimately because of our faulty motivations that come from reprobate desires. Going after glory is a pretty ubiquitous thing across humanity. I believe it is true that in every human being is an inherent desire for glory. It's God-given. But it has been Satan-twisted.

Let's start here: We've been given a righteous desire for glory that the fall has perverted. People want glory and they try, we try, to acquire it through being exalted by others and exalting ourselves. We try to merit glory from others by impressive outward acts of: strength, alcohol consumption, perseverance, humor, morality, athleticism, god-talk, intelligence, serving others, owning the right stuff, generosity, mocking others, and a host of other reasons, some undeniably bad, others parading as good. The opinions of others are the hope upon which our glory rides. Often when people are not getting a convoluted imitation of glory from others, they look to themselves, their own self-image and self-talk to obtain glory. They base their glory on both their external and internal life. Then people are able to consider not only notable deeds worth glory, but their good motivations, what they're capable of, and how they compare to others. Both of these paths to glory are broad and futile.

Glory from other people and ourselves is shabby. It's dependent upon our own actions and how worthy of exaltation they are with respect to the actions of others and how worthy of exaltation their actions are. Because it's about doing things and being a person who is worthy of glorification above other people, it destroys our relationships with the rest of humanity. It's a glory that is constantly shifting up and down with the opinions of others and our view of ourselves. It is not something that is always there. On top of that, it's not even something that's really there.

The "glory" itself, as I've been calling it, is falsely called so. People by themselves are depraved, broken, insecure, foolish, envious, and sinful little creatures. Contracting glory from others simply means one is estimated, by people with poor judgment, to be better comparatively than other people, other - really not that good - people. It's an illusion of glory. There's nothing actual about it. Consequently, it does not satisfy. It leaves us always wanting more of it, always going after it in everything, and every time it leaves an emptiness and a longing for the glory that a part of us believes we should have.

A Dynamic Relationship

I grew up being taught a philosophical version of God that illustrates Him as all-powerful and all-knowing. He knows everything that's going to happen and as a result has preplanned every use of his infinite power. He's immutable, unwavering, insusceptible to outside influence. The Earth is in His complete control and His plan will not be altered. He is too massive and too staunch.

It's just not true. It's philosophically true, if you're Plato. But I think it's pretty plain that philosophy can get us to so many different places. Logic goes almost anywhere. What's important is the presupposition of truth that logic necessitates. To get anywhere logically we must first assume certain things to be true. If the truth presupposed is false, then it's highly unlikely an array of sensible thinking and cogent conclusions is going to get anywhere true. Positing the Bible as true, it does not work out that God is unshifting and unmoving.

Some things are that way in God. Some things are the way they are and that's the way they're going to be. God's character does not change. His ultimate plan for salvation was ordained before Creation and will not change in the future. His design for the finality of life on earth, the second coming, is not going to suddenly be modified. His love isn't ending. His strength isn't weaning. His holiness isn't tainting. His glory isn't dimming. His faithfulness isn't dwindling. YHWH is I am. He is. He was. He always will be. But relationships don't work that way. His relationship with us is dynamic.

That's what Scripture tells us. God was going to kill the entirety of the Israelite population, but Moses prayed desperately to YHWH and made a number of appeals that changed how God dealt with the Israelites, He spared them. Hezekiah was doomed to die of a disease in a very brief period of time, but he prayed and the compassionate God modified Hezekiah's fate and gave him many more years to live. YHWH was going to destroy Ninevah, but they repented in their hearts and with their actions, and the merciful LORD spared them. Scripture tells us that we get what we pray for with faith, we are able to, like a woman with a judge looking for justice or a poor person begging at a door, obtain from God what we ask when we ask with great perseverance and constancy. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.

God listens to us. God's actions are changed by our desires expressed to Him through devoted prayer. So often I find people who believe that their prayer is without efficacy, that it has no impact upon what God does. But it does. It does. We have to get that through our head. Scriptures explains to us that it does, tells us stories about it, and essentially assumes it to be true. If we believe this, it will change the way we pray. Prayer will no longer be a powerless act of tradition and rote spiritual behavior; it will be more than a way to inner peace and development of a personal relationship with God. It will be the way God created it to be, the way it truly is for those who believe - full of power.

A Prayer

There is much I want to be Lord. There is so much in my desires and in my passions. Some of these things are godly, some of them sinful, and some of them are neither. I want to be an intellectual, a genius who knows an inordinate amount about everything. I want to be an amazing video gamer. I want to be an athlete. I want to be a football player. I want to be a full-time student with a 4.0. I want to stay up all night and hangout with people all the time. I want to be a partier. I want to be a flirt. I want to be incredible at interacting with people. I want attention. I want to be alone all the time. I want the American Dream. I want to be a rockstar. I want to be famous. I want to be respected. I want to write brilliant books. I want to quit school and work instead. I want to be unconcerned for others. I want to love people. I want to pursue You in Your word. I want unparalleled theological brilliance. I want to be unmatched. I want to declare truth without love. I want to be arrogant. I want to be humble. I want my life. I want Your will. I want to impress people. I want to impress myself. I want to find my worth in my performance and perfection. I want to find my worth in You. I want to compare myself to others. I want to accept who I am. I want to be attractive. I want glory among men. I want Your glory among men. I want to be loved. I want to live without need for love. I want to hide from everyone. I want unoccluded transparency. I want to be cynical. I want to see the best in everything. I want my peace. I want my safety. I want my stability. I want to trust You for these things. I want to work to get them on my own. I want a cold heart. I want a soft heart. I want a high paying and powerful career. I want to undermine people. I want to smoke. I want to drink. I want to be as much as I think I can be. I want to join the Army and kill people. I want to live in my own fantasy world. I want to live in reality. I want money to have no hold on me. I want power to mean nothing to me. I want to put people before myself. I want purity. I want licentiousness. I want to be who You've called me to be. I want a baby. I want a wife. I want to have sex. I want those things to be incomparable to whatever You have for me. I want to think and talk about You without living for You. I want Your love. I want to live free from Your conviction. I want to live freely. I want to live for You. I want my life. I want Your will. I want to be what I want to be. I want You. I want what You want. I want to be who You've called me to be. Lord take my wants. Take my will. Take my passions. They are vast in number and contradictory in nature. Conform my wants, my passions, my desires, my will to Yours, to Yours, oh Lord. To Yours. I want nothing more than Your will done in me. I want nothing less than Your will done in me. Crucify these desires that I may live in Yours.

The Ache In Me

In recent months, since the summer perhaps (I can't put an exact date on it), my heart has healed in different ways that has left me free to seriously consider and pursue a relationship with girls. And those that know me understand that I want that deeply. It's just something that God has placed upon my heart to desire and go after. I know I haven't been designed for timidity or hesitancy. I move forward, full of the love that drives out all fear.

At least mentally, that's what I did. I opened myself, again, to the possibility of dating someone. For a plethora (most people say they like this word, I think it's kind of lame) of good reasons, manifested actions were curtailed. Well, I did ask one girl on a casual date, but she declined (which I was down with, just glad I didn't sit on my butt and wish I would have asked). It mainly involved rethinking about what it is I desire in a woman and I permitted myself to dream of a Spirit-infused, Christ-centered, Father-glorifying relationship. It's quite the dream.

My dream became a longing. Remembrances of what was not a part of my life perpetuated my wishes for someone to share, experience, and grow with. The passionate craving became a part of my daily existence. I would often think and pray it over, hoping that soon I would have an opportunity to at least experience an infinitesimal degree of it or at least move toward it, however slowly. At no point was my desire sinful, and it's not like I was objectifying women in the way men sometimes do, as things to fill our desire for partnership and relational intimacy (as opposed to objectifying to satisfy virulent lust). Until today. Today I felt an ache like I haven't felt in years. I burned for my dreams to become my reality, or at least to begin emerging. I felt half-full and all but incapacitated.

And I asked why. "My heart aches Lord. What is this emotion? Why is this emotion even existing? Do You want me to feel this way? Is this just my depravity coming through? Just let me feel what You want me to feel. Oh please help me understand this pain!" Then, in His unique voice, quieter than silence, clearer than water, He explained. This ache, this longing beyond what I can remember experiencing, is good. Inherently good. For my desideratum is not a relationship, but YHWH. May my ache drive me to a ceaseless Pursuit.

Disattending To Who Men Are

Jesus didn't really pay any attention to men. Don't get me wrong, he gave people a lot of attention and ascribed to them the infinite worth they have as people. And He loved them deeply. But, Christ dealt with a lot of people - many of those who had a lot of power, influence, and communal respect - without in any way being influenced by the pressure that often comes from dealing with people.

Ever felt that pressure? I sure do. It looks like a lot of different things in my variegated life. Sometimes I feel like I need to say certain things in a certain way to avoid ostracism. Other times I'm talking to someone who is, in some way, really important, so I'm more careful about what I say and I converse in such a way as to impress. Still, at other times, I feel like to accrue love I've got to act within self-constructed confines that I believe others put me in. No matter what caving into the felt (real or not) pressure looks like, it always chains me and limits me.

Back to Jesus (I pronounced it "Hey Zeus" that time). I read about the nature of the environments Jesus was in and the people he was around and ascertain that he probably faced a lot of the same pressures I face, and under which, I falter. He's stood the easy test of being in situations with excessive drinking and not sinning, but some of the others are impressive. At age 30 Christ stood against, in acts and words of blatant subversive deracination, the most exalted men of his culture, lightly shouldering their disapproval. Hundreds who literally followed Jesus, who He called friends, abandoned Him because of His unyielding theology, opting for more meretricious doctrines. One of his best friends tried to get Jesus to take an easier route, Jesus unflinchingly called him Satan. The people He grew up with and knew for His entire life disbelieved what Jesus said of Himself and what He was capable of; Jesus never attenuated a single statement or went into a high-energy unmitigated pursuit to prove them wrong. Over and over again in Scripture, there is Christ immovable in the face of intense people pressures. And, it doesn't even seem difficult for Him… it looks like a light yolk He's under.

And it is. One reason that Jesus is so much better at loving people than I am is that He is free from any sort of explicit or implicit social, cultural, religious, and relational pressures that I too often succumb to. Jesus was able to be around the broken, battered, and sinful without concern for risking his reputation. He could defend the culturally repugnant sinners against the esteemed judgmental Pharisees. Jesus spoke truth passionately, insouciantly, audaciously. And in the end, His freedom from people pressures enabled Him to endure the unequivocal shame of the cross - despised by those who once praised Him, denied and deserted by His closest friends, and betrayed by the very people He came to save.

So, I see this freedom and how essential it is to truly living life in Christ, a child of God in the Kingdom of heaven, but man, it's difficult. I've been held back from living the Christ-infused, God-glorifying life I've been called to because of this difficulty. Too often I refrain from having that difficult conversation with someone close to me. Too often I circumlocute amongst those who have an aversion to Christianity, and my faith remains undiscovered. Too often I quickly catalyze a transient permutation of my character to in some way acquire rapport. Too often I care who people are, what they think, and how that will negatively or positively affect me in the environment I'm in. Too often, too often.

And, honestly, I'm not quite sure what is behind this messed up way of living I find myself in far too frequently. It's a conglomeration of reasons methinks, some probably pretty good and some probably pretty bad. There's probably some fear in there, likely some pride, and I think also a passion to maintain a strong witness and to fame the name of Jesus. Doesn't really matter why so much though, does it? What matter is that I'm not being like Jesus - supremely confident in who God is and who He is in relation to God. Never shrinking back, holding back, or moving back, but ever boldly pressing forward, bringing the Kingdom of God with Him. May I, standing firmly upon my Rock, live freely, and thus, live valiantly.

They came to him and said, "Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth." -Mk 12:14

Understanding God's Love - Part III: It Changes Everything

Alright, so we've covered our indigent state of helplessness and depravity and noted that God's love exists despite that, not as something to be worked for or earned, but is simply there. As I've submitted repeatedly, this acknowledgement of our own sinful repugnance and understanding that God freely loves despite that, is the starting point of a fuller comprehension of God's love. When we accept the merciful, grace-filled gift of the love of God in Christ Jesus, everything changes.

First I've got to a give a short, inadequate, but necessary explanation on the point of God sending His son, in His great act of love, to die for us. God, who created humanity good, looked upon the people He created and saw that they were killing themselves with sin, their corrupted hearts driving them to engage in behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that were bringing death to their lives, creating a divide between His people and Himself - the source of life. Because of their sinfulness, which is completely antithetical to God's nature, He could not be near them, for when sin is in the presence of God, it is engulfed in flames like chaff in a fire. The requisite result of sin is death. Somehow, God needed to make up for our complete lack, so He did. He sent His Son, who, begotten of God, was by nature God, to live a pure and holy life, and after doing so, being perfect, take our sin and it's consequences upon Himself, through death removing our sin from us forever, through resurrection bringing life where sin once reigned. By doing this for us, God is allowed intimacy with us because our essence has changed. We're no longer contemptible.

The sinfulness in our hearts has been washed away by the blood of Christ. Sinful Humanity, once innocent, has been redeemed by Jesus, given back their purity. We have been given freedom from condemnation, while the sinfulness in us, that has kept us from God, has been condemned. Where death once reigned, we now reign in life. What was dirty has been cleansed. What was broken has been fixed. What was by nature disgusting is now by nature beautifully enthralling. By trusting in God and allowing Him to have us, the very essence of who we are is pure, righteous, and holy. And, as we let His love in more and more, this unwarranted but desperately necessary love begins to change the way we live.

Now, because of our redemption through the love of God in Christ Jesus, we are not only changed on the inside, but we change on the outside. By the same love, His love, that drove us to allow Jesus to have our lives, forgive our sins, and redeem our souls, we are now tenderly impelled to become the person God has made us. Whole, New, Alive. The Spirit of God infused in our souls provides us what we need to live without the sin we were once stuck with. As we continue to allow God in more and more and work toward complete obedience, the beatific essence in us grows and develops, shining forth from the inside into how we act on the exterior. This magnificent interaction between our love-driven active submission and God's love-driven active provision enables us to be people who, inside and out, powerfully resemble Jesus Christ - the very image of life, glory, perfection, and love.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power� to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. - Ephesians 3:17-19

Understanding God's Love - Part II: While We Suck

I just read part 1 and I think it kind of sucks. This part probably should have gone along with the first part, because the two are inextricable from one another. They have to be connected in our minds and hearts. Or else, we'll do one of two things, either becoming pompous knowing God loves us or despising ourselves knowing we're not worthy of love. Neither of those is very helpful. That said, here goes dos.

So, we know that there's nothing we've done that makes us worthy of love, but still, there's this strange idea present that we have to become worthy of love to be loved. Humans, and it seems also, American culture, often think that to get A we have to do B. We work to obtain money. We work for reputation. We work for respect. Naturally then, we also should work for love, even God's love. It's a sociological philosophy embedded in our culture, not reflective of reality, but difficult to get past.

There's another reason why we're so apt to try to work for God's love... we're proud little son of a bucks. People want to be able to attribute to themselves whatever good attributes they can. So we refrain from admitting the reality of our hearts, that they are depraved, in order to maintain an ostentatious ruse of righteousness. That way, we can puff ourselves up, call ourselves good people worthy of God's love, and when our goodness comes into question, advert to how we stand comparatively to the rest of the world. In doing this, we make God's love for us, about us. And, like most everything else, it's not.

The veracious reality is that because we suck there is nothing we can do to earn God's love. Trying to earn God's love and believing we can only leads to failure, which makes us see ourselves as failures, which leads to more failure, which leads to self-hatred and condemnation. Surprisingly, we must stop trying. When we're trying to become good enough to be loved by God, we're keeping ourselves from accepting God's love. We refuse, for whatever reason, to accept the love he offers. Getting caught up in the desire to and attempt to earn only leads us further and further away from an understanding of the love God has for us, the free love.

Right now, in the middle of my crap, in the middle of your disgusting sin, God loves you and I powerfully, infinitely, perfectly. There's nothing I can do to acquire more of God's love. There's nothing you can do to diminish God's love for you. Although by it's very nature sin is contemptible to God, and we are the purveyors of sin, God loves us. So deep does this love run that He sent His son, a part of Himself, to become the ablution, salvation, and expiation for our sins - opening up the room of God's presence to the entire world. Let go. Acknowledge your sinful heart, end your endeavor to earn God's love, and let the love that is already waiting for you come into your life. It changes everything.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

Understanding God's Love - Part I: We Suck

I have so many conversations with people, people who desire and love God, who are struggling hard in life because they don't understand God's love for them. They are missing key componential comprehensions that enable us to know the love of God. I am one of these people. All too often in my life there have been gaps in my heart's understanding of God's love, caused by my debaucherous and pertinacious self, that have left me wanting. The following notes discuss the areas where my misunderstandings have perniciously affected my life.

This is the least enjoyable part of understanding God's love. People think highly of themselves. Almost always. And when they don't, they want to, they long to, and they try to do things that allow them to think well of themselves. Our natural inclination is toward hubristic self-confidence. Because of all our ingrained insecurities we desperately want to see ourselves as good people. We think that in spite of the bad things people do, at heart humans are generally pretty decent. It all sounds swell, but it is a gross prevarication.

We're afraid to admit the truth because the truth is overwhelmingly opprobrious. Humanity is messed up. Our hearts are tainted, dirty, sinful, deplorable. We are so full of selfishness, conceit, and impurity. I am, you are. I don't deny that there is good in us. I don't deny that most people desire sublimity. However, the sad reality is that the good in us is contaminated and because of our actions and the motivations of our heart, we deserve the wrath of God. Acknowledging this is difficult on many levels. What if I'm not a genuinely good person? What if my very soul is depraved? Where then is my worth? Who could love me?

The reality is that we are bad people. This, my friends, is step one. We have to admit that our hearts are vitiated. Our very natures are sinful and disgusting. Refrain from expostulation, rationalizing your actions, writing off your failings as mere foibles, and engaging in comparisons. Accept that you don't deserve love, because you don't. In doing so, you can begin to understand just how powerful and magnificent the love of God is - seeing through our marring sinfulness and into the core of our being, engraved with His image.


Man is in no danger of taking too much from himself, provided he learns that whatever he wants is to be recovered in God. But he cannot arrogate to himself one particle beyond his due, without losing himself in vain confidence, and, by transferring divine honour to himself, becoming guilty of the greatest impiety. - John Calvin Institutes... 2.II.10

Wanting The Unobtainable

Some things in life are so wonderful. They really are. God has created a mesmeric world with so many things that are excellent and praiseworthy. A key component of understanding and enjoying God is a comprehension of the innate goodness of what He's created. It is good for us to cogitate on these things, desire them, and pursue them. The quandary arises when we want what we cannot have.

This is where I'm at right now. I desire something that is intrinsically good, holy, pure, beautiful, and Godly, but, for a number of good reasons, I can't have it. And there's this feeling in my heart when I consider this reality. It's not anxiety or pain really. Something just isn't quite right, my heart feels ill. So, is it wrong for me to want what I can't acquire? No. It's not wrong to desire that which is good. At the same time, even though this thing is [insert extensive list of positive adjectives here], I've got to let it go.

Why? It's affecting my heart. It's distracting my mind. It's not helping me follow Jesus. Because it directly disconcerts my heart, my mind ruminates on it, then my heart wants it, and after that I go into deliberating on whether or not to pursue it and how I would do that. When I am around that which I'm impassioned over or see someone that has what I long for, it only exacerbates the problem. I spend time living in this world of the imagination and not in the God-authored reality that is my current life. And my current life is magnificent.

It's really easy to become mentally abstracted in good things that aren't Jesus. At least I think so. They're much more likely to hinder me than the bad things that aren't Jesus, because the bad things are so obvious. We have to check our hearts, check our minds, and find anything in there - good things included - that is thwarting us from trusting, pursuing, loving, or living for Christ and let it go. For Christ here and now is better. When our joy is in him and focus on him, the illness of our heart is forgotten, for our great Hope is obtained.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Oh, the ludicrous cross

I am a follower of Jesus. That means I believe a lot of strange things. I believe God exists. I believe He created the world in its entirety. I believe in absolutes. I believe that a perfect and perfectly good God can allow evil and still be perfect, still be good. I believe the Bible is the way God has chosen to speak to us. I believe that the same God who created the Universe chose to bring salvation to the world by dying on cross at the hands of the very people He came to save.

What's with that last one? The rest of the beliefs I listed can be easily defended using scientific and logical arguments, with consent to a few presuppositions. But Jesus on a cross? Are you kidding me? An omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient God determined that the preeminent method to liberate people from their sin and the effects of their sin was to send His begotten son, the outgrowth of Himself, to bring people life through His own death.

See what I'm saying? It's counterintuitive. Couldn't a better way exist? Couldn’t God think of something else? He's God after all, right? Let me submit this: perhaps, keeping in mind that God knows all and has all power in His grasp, there is no other way.

As humans, we have been born with an intrinsic sense of what ethical behavior is. When we sin, we sense it. We feel guilty. Because of our inherent ethic, we become guilty. In becoming guilty we acquire the weight of that guilt, and guilt, though immaterial, does not just disappear. It has to go somewhere. Although sometimes it does not stay with us emotionally and our calloused hearts may no longer sense it, the guilt remains upon us.

Back to Christ, on the cross. The perfect human. The perfect sacrifice for our sins. It is there on the cross that our guilt went somewhere. All of the sin of the past, present, and future was transferred to Christ. When His blood was shed, our sin was shed. With his death was the death of our guilt, for it was all upon Him when He died. His expiation for our sins was the ablution of our souls, freeing us from all sin and opening the door to intimacy with the God of the Universe. Powerful? Heck yeah. Foolishness? Yeah, I suppose so. But sometimes, Love is foolish.